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paxxion


「Saturday, May 17, 2008」
「 craving away 2:05 PM 」

Yesterday was the day my dreams fall. I could not accept it as much as I said I could. I kept thinking maybe they were out to make me. But it was no joke. It was indeed a blow to me. Everything they said to me before was a lie. The officers. They said they were disappointed in me. I see otherwise. They think they know all, but deep down, they know nothing. They believed the teachers, who in fact know nothing about me. Asking them to testify is equvilant to just rejecting me straight away. In the eyes of the teachers and officers, only people with bucktooth and long short will be in favour. But, serving isn't everything. I dare say I serve as much as him. The thing is I have my own opinion and way, he doesnt. He do not even know how to lead. The school claims 'Where talents soar'. Loads of crap. I was 'attacked' over and over by the mistakes they claim I had.

I finally realised there was not any second chance in life. Once you commited a mistake, you are condemned. But I also realise, if one is not caught for a mistake, it is not a mistake. Thats life. Thats reality. No matter how much you try to change, how much effort and contributions you give, it is useless. I gave in so so much, yet nothing is really achieved.

Perhaps joining this organisation was the real mistake I committed. But the friends I made there made me think twice. Maybe I am a sports, arts or club guy. Maybe others would say how about the skills and values I learn there, even so, they will come sooner or later.

Now I am left with a mere four strips, nothing attached, no glory no nothing. Great thanks to teachers and officers. They do not know who I really am and they will never know. Maybe, jus maybe, only a few (not teachers/officers) will understand how I feel.

My passion for BB and efforts I made there was once 101%. It dropped to zero within a few month. Few know why. This isnt my lucky year. Thinking of it, there is not any luck at all. And perhaps this will really free me from this lousy organisation. A organisation which I do not know why I spent so much time in.

Really very tired. Just want to bury myself in books now...


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